I Almost Missed It

Yesterday, on a hike in Redwood Regional Park with our dog, Jules, a man with a walking stick asked, "How long have you had your dog?" That stopped me in my tracks because it wasn't the typical question. Turns out, this wouldn't be the typical interaction.

You know Kelly Corrigan? Among her many talents is her gift for delivering impactful commencement speeches. Her talk to the Walker School's 2021 grads was about seizing every opportunity to connect. Her reason?

"Everyone, everywhere has stories to tell you and things to teach you." Amen!

Her directive to these grads (and the thousands who have listened virtually) is to ask questions so you don't miss the amazing, unexpected stories.

Check out these takeaways from the talk:

1. The #1 key to human happiness is meaningful connection to others. Humans are gregarious beings. That goes for extroverts and introverts and it's not limited to deep connection with people closest to us.

Our new friend in the woods, Anand, told us about the time he met a monk in India. He complained to the monk about his disrupted sleep and how he was sad that his children would soon be leaving for school. The monk told him how he had spent four years in a forest before beginning his formal training. That time taught him to look at every tree, bird and bug with gratitude.

I was definitely intrigued.

2. People want to feel they've been felt.
At the end a client call the other day, Barbara thanked me for listening. It's a skill I've honed with my job, but one that we should practice using in every conversation. As people age, they can feel invisible. But everyone at every age wants to be heard. When you're really listening, they'll sense that you're feeling what they're saying.

Anand saw that we were listening and, by the tear I saw on his cheek, I knew he felt felt.

3. The only thing better than a question is a follow-up question. This could be my favorite. How often do we ask our kids, partners or parents how their day was only to get a "fine". End of conversation. Really? Just imagine the nuggets we're missing when we leave it at that. Add why or in what way or can you give me an example and now we're literally talking.

Kelly Corrigan described an encounter she had had that started with as simple chit chat. "A dozen questions later" she was amazed and said, "See? I almost missed it."

We're depriving ourselves when we don't ask the follow up questions.

Michael and I asked Anand, "How did the monk relate his forrest story to your experience and feelings?"

The monk told him, "You're looking at it from a selfish place, as loss. There's gratitude in everything, everyone and every feeling. Your body is a vessel for giving and for gratitude."

Here was an engineer with a family full of doctors, who shared the wisdom from a monk in just ten minutes of our day.

How often do you have these kind of deep conversations with strangers on a trail? We could have kept walking. And it would have been our loss.

If the number one driving force to happiness is meaningful connection and connection can happen with those you know well and with strangers, then the possibilities for connection are literally all around us.

Gloria Steinem never misses an opportunity to strike up a conversation with a cab driver, in every big city and small town she's in. Just imagine the stories and connection she would have missed had she stared out the window instead?

All we have to do is ask the question. Then ask the follow-up questions and listen.

Here's a link to the full commencement speech. Take nine minutes out of your day to be inspired and moved.