Forgivenes On My Mind

Forgiveness is on my mind. The time we’re in, between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, is when Jews make an intentional, concerted effort to return to our essence and enter the new year with renewed potential. Owning up to wrong-doings is a priority. So is forgiving others.

I ask all my clients what forgiveness means to them. Here’s how Lynn explained it:

“Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. They say that failing to forgive, that holding on to pain and anger, is like drinking a glass of poison and expecting someone else to suffer. The good news is that we all have the power to forgive. Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. But it comes from understanding: understanding yourself, understanding the person who hurt you and the context in which things happened...and then deciding to let go.”

It can be so hard to forgive. But there’s self-interest in forgiveness, even if we never see or talk to the person again.

“My biggest act of forgiveness was forgiving my mother, after her death, for how she treated me. We were never able to reconcile while she was alive, but afterwards, working with a therapist who forced me to confront some painful memories, I realized that my mother loved me in her own way, even if she couldn’t show it. When I was finally able to forgive her, I experienced an incredibly liberating feeling.”

The way Family Love Letter clients lay out their vulnerabilities and their resilience is inspirational and moving. It’s a time for them to be real with themselves and their loved ones. It’s an opportunity for them to peel away the hurt and to share their takeaways from challenging times. Essentially, it’s an act of self-love and love for others.