Quality Time not Stress Time

We were fortunate. As my father's illness progressed and he became immobile, my mother had the resources and somehow had the bandwidth to coordinate the extra help they needed to remain in their home.

Still...I worried.

Incessant migraines and flaring eczema was my body showing how much I ached for my father and worried about my mother. She didn't complain, but it was hard to miss the sadness and resignation in my her voice.

My mother was just being real. The love of her life was declining.

My brother, sister and I had endless suggestions for what my mother should do. Sound familiar? Truth is, she dealt with all the logistics really well. The help that was the most helpful, was our presence.

Parents crave quality time, not stress time. *

Sometimes we to have tackle practical stuff and talk through difficult stuff. But what's refreshing for our parents is being kept in the family loop -- hearing what's up in our lives, being a part of our lives and knowing that they matter beyond our concern for them.

Now that's quality time.

* Frank Samson made this reference in his very useful book, The Aging Boomers: Answers to Critical Questions for You, Your Parents and Loved Ones.