Write that Card Anyway

That first Father's Day after his death, I was pissed. Really bratty.

I couldn't celebrate my father-in-law that year. It was just too in my face that my own father wasn't around.

For several years after that - probably because I needed it -- I facilitated a workshop called, "Writing a Father's Day Card to the Father that's No Longer Living." It was popular and even brought in people whose fathers weren't necessarily deceased, but weren't in their lives.

To frame the void we started with this fill-in-the-blank:

You've been gone for _____ years. Back then I felt _______. Now I feel ____________.

Here are some journaling prompts: 

• How do you picture your father?

• What's a memory that you hold dear?

• What do you miss most about him?

• Do you carry him with you? How?

• What do you want to tell him about yourself?

You don't have to write anything really coherent. It's for you! Here's my card to my father:

Dear Abba,

You pick up the phone with a "Hi Babe". I can so easily picture your eyes blinking shut as you smile. I miss your patience and genuine interest and unconditional love. I want to come in to your study and ask you to watch a movie and have you say, "I'll be right in (after 5 more games of solitaire)." I'll scoop the ice cream and take out the hard sourdough pretzels that you'll munch so loudly we'll have to turn the tv up. I want to study talmud with you.

I'm doing OK. Actually great.

I channel your guidance A LOT. You were the hub of our family but we're managing. Michael and I are solid and the kids are just amazing. You would be so in love with them. The crying/smiling scales have tipped and I don't cry nearly as much when I think about you.

You are pure joy for me. I love you to bits,

Aviva