You Are Forgiven

Unspoken hurt feelings and hidden resentment don't sit well with me. I like to work things out. But it's not like I go looking for uncomfortable conversation.

Confronting someone can be frustrating and emotional. Why would anyone want to add that to their plate?

And what if the person who hurt us-- or that we hurt -- is no longer living? Don't get me started on forgiving ourselves.

I can't tell you how many of my elder clients have said that their need to forgive is a way of letting go...letting go of negativity and space. For them, forgiveness isn't just a generous gesture for another person, it's something they do for their own well being.

With forgiveness on my mind, I read up and here are 3 key takeaways:

1. It's helpful to rate the offense from 1-10 to see how hurtful it was and the impact it had on the offended. This rating varies from person to person. To some, not sending a thank you note is a 5-7 offense because it made the giver feel invisible.

2. Forgiveness is different than reconciliation. The other person may not be alive or available, literally or emotionally. He may even be sorry he hurt you, but can't make the connection between his actions and your feelings. You can still forgive.

3. Forgiveness is a process. It doesn't happen as soon as you decide to forgive someone. You have to start at some time and at some point.

Do you hold forgiveness hostage or do you forgive easily? How do you feel after you forgive? Here's to feeling a little lighter!