I have a confession: I’m kind of addicted to reels. Videos of family members reuniting after long periods apart always get me. I can’t get enough of them. I love them.

The one of the military woman surprising her son at the pep rally? Or the twenty-something year old man who’s been away for two years because of Covid and surprises his mother at the restaurant, pretending to be the waiter? Waterworks. Without fail.

Legacy and remembrance go hand in hand. Well, sure, it's a look back. But it's in our hands to create our legacy while we're very much here. If fact, instead of focusing on how we're going to be remembered, why not think more about how we're going to live?

Susan Bosak, co-founder of the Legacy Project, says that our existence is based on four categories: live, love, learn and legacy. These essential pieces unfold throughout our lives, but it's in the second half of life that we look for significance.

If you've ever sat down with an elder person for any length of time, chances are you've heard him talk about a lesson he's learned in life -- either passed down from parents and grandparents or learned through his own hard knocks.

Would you agree that most people like airing their problems? We all have tsuris, troubles that we encounter in life. What's really valuable is when people describe not only the problem, but the impact; not only the challenge, but how they dealt with it.

"The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person." Andy Rooney

Begins with Generosity of the Heart

It can be downright daunting to pick the right gift, especially for the person who has everything. It can also be really time consuming. But it's worth it. It's about being generous.

The right gift is an expression of the heart.

The holidays are coming up and you may be taking the bold step of gathering with the whole family. Hopefully, you're excited. But sometimes even overflowing gratitude isn't enough to ward off those annoying, yet alone hurtful, comments. The people closest to us know just what buttons to push.

Disagreement is unavoidable. Keeping it in check is key.

For way too long, I gave my mother-in-law things like serving utensils, outdoor plates and platters. OK, seeing this in print makes me realize just how un-fun these gifts are. Well, one day she said, "Please don't get me anything else for the kitchen."  

Turns out, practical gifts aren't necessarily good gifts.

Have your heard of "eulogy virtues"? Think happy thoughts. In his book, How to Live Forever, Marc Freedman of Encore describes them as our "character and love, relationships and commitments, generativity (i.e. concern for future generations) and legacy."Hello! This is what Family Love Letters is all about!

When asked, why Family Love Letters and why now, at the top of the list of reasons people give is wanting a great experience for their parents. But once the letter's been written, they exhale and admit that they had wanted to avoid regret. As one client (who with her husband gifted a letter to each of their parents) put it, "I couldn't in good conscience not do it (i.e. preserving their life stories) knowing it's a possibility...

I would way more regret not doing it."

Forgiveness is on my mind. The time we’re in, between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, is when Jews make an intentional, concerted effort to return to our essence and enter the new year with renewed potential. Owning up to wrong-doings is a priority. So is forgiving others. I ask all my clients what forgiveness means to them. Here’s how Lynn explained it: “Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself…

Picture this: my parents, siblings, spouses and our teens were all sitting around the dining room table. That table has heard a lot of lively conversation over the years and this time was no different. We were talking about digital music platforms. Everyone had an opinion. Except for my parents.

While we chatted away, they just sat there. They didn’t know from Spotify yet alone its merits. Plus with everyone talking over one another, they couldn’t hear or keep up. So these two great conversationalists just sat there. Silent.

What is it about time? It can be snail-paced, like when I was home alone as a kid (how many games of jacks can one 8 year old play?) or as a new parent, when I'd impatiently wait for Michael to walk through the door and rescue me. And yet, when my father was sick, I was desperate to stop time.

Of course, we can't control time. It's what we do with time that matters.

I pride myself on being on time. Back when my college-age kids were in preschool, that meant a lot of wrangling to get out the door. One day, we rushed in a ghastly 15 minutes late. I ran over to Teacher Sue and frantically explained that my son had insisted on tying his own shoes which took forever! She replied, “Isn’t that great?” 

That simple question stopped me in my tracks. Where does our success mindset even come from?

What's more disappointing -- getting a gift that you don't like or giving one that lands flat?

I know the feeling of missing the mark on a gift that I had thought would be absolutely perfect. About a month ago my friend, Stacy, told me that she had given her dad a book for him to record his memories and stories. Each page had a prompt to make it easy and fun. Her dad has been writing his whole life and had time on his hands.

Stacy's father never even opened the book.

It is a great gift. Just not for Stacy's father. Here's the thing -- it's about the experience.

When you think of childhood, what image pops into your head? For me, it’s a kid climbing a tree or a teen hanging out with friends. How about adulthood? Maybe a young professional or parent with a young family. Middle age would be someone in the sandwich generation. And then there’s the older person who, when drawn, would have a cane with a kerchief covering her hair. My father used to say, “Getting old beats the alternative.” Well sure. But we can do better than that!

When you hear family reunion, do you jump for joy or run for the hills? For lots of people, family gatherings are tedious or even stressful. With bland food and bad jokes, you may be wondering how you're going to make it. If this isn't your idea of a vacation, you're not alone. We go in thinking I can do this only to find that you're pulling your hair out. You can't control what others say or do. Here's what you can control: your attitude, reactions and actions. But it takes planning and practice.

Stu was relieved. At 88, he laid awake at night fretting that his childhood memories would disappear when he died. How would his grandchildren know the details of his emigration from China to San Francisco as a little boy. Who would describe his parents’ courage and fears and their resilience despite all the adversity they faced? If not for his parents’ resolve, he knows there’s no way he would have had such a successful life. The same goes for his children and grandchildren.

Just knowing we would be writing all of this down lifted a huge weight from his shoulders.