"My parents are going through a big life transition and I think it's the perfect time for them to get their memories down in one place."

Katrina got it.

After a lifetime in Michigan, her parents were moving to be near her in Wisconsin. They were sad to leave their friends and nervous and excited about this next chapter. But first, they had a month in limbo before they could move move. Katrina believed that her parents would relish the chance to reflect on their lives. It would be gratifying. Plus they had time on their hands.

Liz's father had been the storyteller. He was sentimental and an easy talker. Liz's mom, on the other hand, kept things close to the vest and let her husband do the talking. For years after he died, her mom kept quiet. But not long ago, Liz noticed that her mother started revealing bits and pieces about her life, here and there. That's when Liz called me.

We were fortunate. As my father's illness progressed and he became immobile, my mother had the resources and somehow had the bandwidth to coordinate the extra help they needed to remain in their home.

Still...I worried.

After years of pooh-poohing Mother's Day, the lightbulb finally went off. Mother's Day is important to my mother, more so with every year. And that's what matters. Took me 50 years, but hey, I got there.

You can bet that my clients - whose parents are no longer living - will be thinking of their fathers on Father's Day. I know I'll be thinking of mine.

Family Love Letters gives my older clients an opportunity to think about their parents and talk about their values, quirks, interests -- all the ways, big and small, they remember their parents.

Lots of people get cranky as they age. Who can blame them? With the aches and pains I'm feeling at 53, I can only imagine what it's like to be an octogenarian.

Tina taught me an important lesson. 

My daughter gave this to me, so I guess I'll do it. I can't imagine what else she could possibly wants to know about me. But Ok, let's do it.

I hear this a lot. Whether they're self-described "open books" or "regular Joe's,” they predict this letter will be an exercise in repetition. But guess what? As we move through our three conversations they become more and more invested. And by the end, clients go from hesitant to fully in. 

Springtime! Gorgeous blooms that I can't name and warmer, longer days. Spring is energizing and motivating. Spring is a lovely, encouraging kick in the pants..

The Nepalese poet, Bhuwan Thapaliya, wrote, "Spring is when flowers beckon in every corner of your heart."

I have a confession: I’m kind of addicted to reels. Videos of family members reuniting after long periods apart always get me. I can’t get enough of them. I love them.

The one of the military woman surprising her son at the pep rally? Or the twenty-something year old man who’s been away for two years because of Covid and surprises his mother at the restaurant, pretending to be the waiter? Waterworks. Without fail.

Legacy and remembrance go hand in hand. Well, sure, it's a look back. But it's in our hands to create our legacy while we're very much here. If fact, instead of focusing on how we're going to be remembered, why not think more about how we're going to live?

Susan Bosak, co-founder of the Legacy Project, says that our existence is based on four categories: live, love, learn and legacy. These essential pieces unfold throughout our lives, but it's in the second half of life that we look for significance.

If you've ever sat down with an elder person for any length of time, chances are you've heard him talk about a lesson he's learned in life -- either passed down from parents and grandparents or learned through his own hard knocks.

Would you agree that most people like airing their problems? We all have tsuris, troubles that we encounter in life. What's really valuable is when people describe not only the problem, but the impact; not only the challenge, but how they dealt with it.

"The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person." Andy Rooney

Begins with Generosity of the Heart

It can be downright daunting to pick the right gift, especially for the person who has everything. It can also be really time consuming. But it's worth it. It's about being generous.

The right gift is an expression of the heart.

The holidays are coming up and you may be taking the bold step of gathering with the whole family. Hopefully, you're excited. But sometimes even overflowing gratitude isn't enough to ward off those annoying, yet alone hurtful, comments. The people closest to us know just what buttons to push.

Disagreement is unavoidable. Keeping it in check is key.

For way too long, I gave my mother-in-law things like serving utensils, outdoor plates and platters. OK, seeing this in print makes me realize just how un-fun these gifts are. Well, one day she said, "Please don't get me anything else for the kitchen."  

Turns out, practical gifts aren't necessarily good gifts.

Have your heard of "eulogy virtues"? Think happy thoughts. In his book, How to Live Forever, Marc Freedman of Encore describes them as our "character and love, relationships and commitments, generativity (i.e. concern for future generations) and legacy."Hello! This is what Family Love Letters is all about!

When asked, why Family Love Letters and why now, at the top of the list of reasons people give is wanting a great experience for their parents. But once the letter's been written, they exhale and admit that they had wanted to avoid regret. As one client (who with her husband gifted a letter to each of their parents) put it, "I couldn't in good conscience not do it (i.e. preserving their life stories) knowing it's a possibility...

I would way more regret not doing it."

Forgiveness is on my mind. The time we’re in, between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, is when Jews make an intentional, concerted effort to return to our essence and enter the new year with renewed potential. Owning up to wrong-doings is a priority. So is forgiving others. I ask all my clients what forgiveness means to them. Here’s how Lynn explained it: “Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself…